I Kissed A Girl
by catsaretriangles
Summary: Seiya x Yaten femslash oneshot/Yaten was raised in an extremely homophobic household but when she meets Seiya she starts to struggle with her feelings and the things she once believed.


**Authors Note: I heard the song I kissed a girl by Katy Perry on the radio at work the other day and that inspired this long angst fest of a oneshot. It's extremely angsty and there's a huge trigger warning for homophobia! I hope you guys enjoy and I don't the song or Sailor Moon!**

/

Yaten had been raised in a household where loving someone of the same gender was the worst crime you could ever commit. All her life her parents had drilled into her head how being gay was horrible and those who loved someone of the same sex were monsters and deserved to die. She had that message drilled into her head repeatedly over the years and for a while she believed the things her parents told her, she believed that it was wrong to be gay and that it was a sin. Her parents even went so far as to monitor her interactions with her female friends, going so far as to forbid her from even hugging them or sitting too close next to them out of fear she might become attracted to them.

For years Yaten believed them and took their words to heart, internally sneering everytime she saw two people of the same sex making out or holding hands. She held the same beliefs her parents did for most of her life until she met someone who made her question everything she'd been told growing up.

She was 14 and was finishing up her last year of junior high school when it happened. At the time she'd been dating a boy named Tadashi who was her first ever romantic partner of any sorts. Her parents thought he was a great choice for her despite the fact that she was so young and would praise her for picking such a good young man and for not falling for a girl. She was happy for a little while but after a while she began to lose her attraction to him and things began to feel unnatural, she started to feel uncomfortable around him and everytime her parents brought up the topic of homosexuality she found herself itching to leave the room and be alone although she couldn't place her finger on why.

Then her class got a new transfer student one day and suddenly she found the answer.

"Class this is Seiya Kou, she's a transfer student from another town and she's new to our school. Seiya you may take a seat next to Yaten in the back row." the teacher instructed as he pointed at the silver haired girl in the back.

Yaten observed the girl from her seat as she took in her appearance, watching her walk over to her slowly. She was taller then her and had long raven black hair that was tied up in a ponytail that bobbed up and down behind her as she walked. Seiya smiled at her, bright blue eyes sparkling in the light as she took a seat in the desk next to her.

"Hi I'm Seiya, you're Yaten right?" she asked quietly as she extended a hand towards the other girl while their teached resumed their lesson in the background.

Yaten felt her words catch in her throat as her heart began to beat faster in her chest, the raven haired girl's smile stunning her momentarily. "Hai I'm Yaten." she whispered back as she tried to shake off the nerves she was feeling.

Seiya gave her a warm smile before returning her attention to the lesson while Yaten buried her head in her hands, the lesson being the last thing on her mind as she began to question where those weird feelings had come from.

Before she knew it class was over and it was lunch time. She watched as Seiya exited the room and she sighed, hanging her head as she walked off to the lunch room where she knew Tadashi would be waiting for her which felt like some kind of punishment to her.

Over the next few weeks Yaten found herself bumping into Seiya more and more frequently, each time the same nervousness in her chest growing stronger and stronger. She found herself sitting next to Seiya at lunch and waiting by her locker at the end of the day just to strike up a conversation. Soon enough they were laughing and talking everyday and it was only a matter of time until Seiya finally invited her over to her house.

Time went by and Yaten found herself spending less and less time with her boyfriend and more and more time with Seiya. When her parents asked her where she was she'd lie and tell them she was at the library or was out shopping as she couldn't help but worry that if they knew she was spending this much time with a girl that they'd forbid her from ever seeing her again. She knew Tadashi was hurt that she was barely paying attention to him but her feelings for him were fading fast and she just didn't know how to tell him that she wanted to just be friends plus she knew her parents would be devastated if they broke up so she tried to pretend like things were alright between the two of them.

She began to question her relationship with Seiya as she found herself thinking about doing things with Seiya that she'd never experienced with anyone else. She constantly caught herself daydreaming about laying in her bed and cuddling with her or playing with her hair or holding her hand as they walked through the park. She tried to tell herself that they were normal things to do want to do with a friend but when she found herself daydreaming about what it might be like to kiss her she knew she was in too deep.

At first she debated about telling her parents and asking them to fix her but stopped herself when she realized they'd make her cut off all contact with Seiya which was the last thing she wanted. The daydreams grew more frequent and more intense and she hated herself for feeling the way she did. Whenever she was spending time with Seiya she found herself inching closer towards her, watching her movements and hoping she might show signs of returning the same feelings she had for her.

She had begun to suspect that Seiya might be gay after watching how she flirted with other girls in their class or how she'd occasionally find an excuse to touch Yaten's face or play with her hair or how she'd let a hug linger just a little too long between them. Yaten couldn't tell if she was imagining things or if there really was something there.

But then everything came to a boiling point one day at Seiya's house when it was just the two of them. Seiya was laying on her bed while Yaten sat on the floor watching her from across the room.

"Hey Yaten come up here, I want to talk to you."

The silver haired girl rolled her eyes but stood up in compliance, climbing onto the raven haired girl's bed as she laid down next to her, their faces only inches apart. "I'm here, what do you want to talk about?" she asked quietly as she tried not to blush from how close she was to her friend.

"Well I wanted to confess something to you." Seiya said shyly as Yaten's heart began to race in her chest. "I haven't told anyone this before so please promise me you'll keep it between me and you."

Yaten nodded. "I promise."

Seiya smiled, breathing a sigh of relief as Yaten's mind began to race. "Well I guess... no I know that I like girls," she said, pausing momentarily. "In a more then friends way."

Yaten swore her heart stopped as she felt Seiya's eyes on her, staring at her intently and biting her lip as she waited for a response. The old Yaten probably would have reacted the same way her parents would have, yelling at her that she was sick and disgusting and how she never wanted to see her again. But her thoughts and feelings had changed over time and she no longer felt the way they did. "So you're..." she started but trailed off, unable to find the words she was looking for.

Seiya nodded, her fear written clear as day all over her face. "I'm gay." she whispered, forcing a laugh as she tried to hide her nerves. "Are you ok with that?"

"I'm more then ok with that." Yaten blurted out before she had the chance to even process what she was saying. Her cheeks immediately went crimson red as her heart sped up, her mind screaming at her as she scolded herself for letting her thoughts slip out.

At first Seiya looked confused but then realization hit her and the next thing Yaten knew she was inching closer to her, her hand cupping her cheek as her eyes scanned her face. "Yaten..."

The silver haired girl gulped as she tried to hide her blush but Seiya's warm hand on her face and the fact that their lips were inches apart wasn't doing her any favors. "Seiya..." she said quietly, biting her lip as she tried to block out all the thoughts racing through her.

The next thing she knew Seiya's lips were on hers and she was kissing back, wrapping her arms tightly around her neck as the younger girl caressed her cheek. She'd never felt this way when kissing Tadashi, she'd never felt this much bliss and joy, it just felt so right.

But the thought of her parents entered her mind and she broke away from the kiss in a panic, the taste of Seiya's fruit chapstick lingering on her lips as she imagined her parents screaming at her and imagining how hurt Tadashi would be when he found out she kissed someone else when she was supposed to be dating him.

"Yaten what's wrong? Did I do something wrong?" Seiya asked, concern in her voice as she reached a hand out towards the other girl.

Yaten swiped her hand away as she quickly stood up, making a break for the door as she tried to block out Seiya's voice. "Gomenasai, I have to go." she called out, trying to ignore Seiya's pleading voice as she ran out the door, tears streaming down her face as the words 'sinner' and 'evil' played on an endless loop in her mind.

Months went by with her avoiding Seiya and trying to pretend like nothing ever happened. She continued dating Tadashi and tried to make him happy in any way she could. Everytime she was with him she felt so unhappy and sad but she was too scared to give in to her desires out of fear she might be shunned by her family. She passed by Seiya constantly at school and the look of hurt on her face everytime she saw her crushed her. She wanted so desperately to run up to her and pour her heart out to her and apologize and explain how her family was extremely homophobic and thats why she ran away from her but she just couldn't do it.

Eventually she couldn't take it anymore and forced herself to break up with Tadashi, telling herself that the next day at school she'd find Seiya and make everything right. The brunette was crushed and she felt horrible for hurting him but she knew she was doing the right thing by letting him go so he could find a girl who actually liked him. That night her parents confronted her about it, telling her that his mom had called and told them about their breakup and immediately her parents were demanding to know what happened. All Yaten could do was try and brush it off and act like they'd just grown apart, hoping that they didn't suspect anything else.

The next day she came to school full of hope and determination, she was determined to find Seiya and make things right no matter what the cost. However when she got to their shared class she found that Seiya's desk was empty and when she asked the girl next to her where she was she found out that Seiya had just transferred to another school and her heart sunk in her chest.

Time went by and Yaten tried to repress her feelings and try and pretend like Seiya never existed but then one day she found a tiny little headset with a star attached to it on her pillow with a note that changed everything. She was shocked when she found it and was even more shocked when she read the note and found out that she was supposedly a sailor guardian who was born to protect the planet's princess and she was to transform and run away in the middle of the night to start a new life guarding the princess at the palace with the other two sailor starlights.

She shrugged it off as a prank at first. After all she'd just turned 15 and there was no way she could be a magical guardian in charge of protecting a princess, right? But curiosity got the better of her and she decided to test out the instructions the note gave her even though she still had doubts about everything it said.

"Healer star power make up!"

A bright light enveloped her and within seconds she found herself in a black crop top and shorts along with tall black leather boots and long leather gloves, a golden band on her forehead with a star encrusted in the middle. Healer stared at her reflection in the mirror, her mind going numb from the shock as she tried desperately to process what was going on. She began pacing around her room in a panic as she tried to convince herself she was dreaming before stopping and pinching herself as hard as she could.

She watched as her arm began to bleed from where her nails had pierced her skin and she collapsed on the floor, fear coarsing through her like tidal waves as she realized that everything was real and it wasn't a dream. She grabbed the note from her bed and reread it a second time, brushing away tears as she tried to calm herself down. She glanced towards her door before glancing back at the letter, asking herself if it was legitimate or if it was all just some crazy complicated trap.

But then she realized that this was her opportunity to get away from her parents and start a new life and be whoever she wanted to be. One part of her said she was crazy and that her parents would be devastated, besides she was only 15, she couldn't run away from home and guard the planet! But the other part of her wanted the freedom to be herself, to be someone else and to follow her own heart.

Before she could change her mind she'd stuffed the note into a bag on the floor and she was racing towards her window, throwing it open as she jumped out, running as fast as her legs could take her. She didn't know where she was going but some part of her seemed to know and was carrying her there automatically, almost as if she'd been destined for this and had been there once before in another life.

She ran and ran, not caring that her parents would wake up to find her gone, not caring that she was leaving everything she knew behind. She needed change and she was pursuing her own destiny.

Healer finally stopped when she reached a huge palace in the middle of nowhere, it was light out and she'd zoned out at some point in the middle of the night but her legs had kept her going anyways, carrying her forwards when she was unable to mentally stay aware. She observed the huge building for a moment, wondering if she had reached the right place, when a tall red haired lady dressed in a long gown exited the palace gates and began approaching her.

"Sailor Star Healer." she said softly, a sweet smile on her face as she pulled the young teenager into her arms. "It's so nice to finally meet you."

Healer pulled away, bowing slightly as she eyed the lady up and down. "Are you... are you the princess I'm supposed to protect?"

The lady giggled softly as she beckoned for her to follow her towards the palace. "Hai, I'm Princess Kakyuu. I'm the princess of Kinmoku and this is my home. Come now, the other two starlights are waiting inside and I'm sure they'll be happy to meet you."

Healer silently followed Kakyuu into the palace where a tall brunette was standing just behind in the doors, dressed in the same uniform as her.

"Healer this is Sailor Star Maker. Maker this is Sailor Star Healer, the third and final guardian of the starlights."

Maker smiled at her, violet eyes shining as she shyly extended a hand towards her. "It's nice to meet you."

The silver haired girl returned the smile, shaking her hand as she tried to hide how nervous she was. "Nice to meet you too." she mumbled as Kakyuu led her down around the corner and down a hallway.

"Fighter should be around here somewhere, she's the leader of the starlights. I'm sure you two will become friends, everyone around here loves her." the princess said with a chuckle as Healer stared in awe at her surroundings, dozens of paintings lining the ornate walls as they walked.

Healer lost herself in her surroundings and was shaken out of her thoughts by Kakyuu gently rubbing her on the shoulder. She startled slightly as she looked to see a girl around her age exiting from a room in front of them.

"Fighter, there's someone here for you to meet!" Kakyuu called out as the starlight spun around.

Healer froze when she saw the girl's face and realized who she was looking at. She still remembered those bright blue eyes and that warm smile from so long ago and her suspicions were confirmed when she saw the raven haired light's smile disappear completely when she saw who was standing next to her princess.

"Fighter, this is Sailor Star Healer. Healer this is your leader Sailor Star Fighter."

Healer nervously extended a hand towards her as Fighter eyed her up and down, hurt clear as day in her eyes while she tried to force a smile. Fighter grabbed her hand for a split second, giving it a quick shake before pulling away, turning her gaze to a painting on the wall as Healer tried to force herself not to let her emotions spill out.

"Fighter would you mind showing Healer around the castle?"

The raven haired light turned around, shaking her head slightly as she placed a hand on her stomach. "Gomenasai hime but I feel like I'm going to be sick. Can you ask Maker to show her around?" she asked.

Kakyuu quirked an eyebrow at her but shook it off as she let out a small sigh. "I will ask her, go get some rest Fighter."

"Arigatou." Fighter whispered before walking off down the hall.

The day passed by slowly for Healer and eventually it was night time and everyone had gone to sleep. Everyone except her. Her mind was racing with thoughts of how her parents must be feeling right now and how everyone back home must be going crazy searching for her. How she suddenly had to become a warrior who's sole purpose was to defend her princess and her planet. And most of all how of all the people who could be her teammates Seiya was one of them and not even just any normal teammate, she was her leader.

Her head was pounding and before she knew it she had gotten out of bed and was wandering outside. She found herself wandering aimlessly in the dark for what felt like hours until she stumbled upon some large hedges which upon closer inspection were full of blooming flowers. She assumed she was in the palace garden and wandered further in, barely able to see the flowers in the dim lighting but still fascinated by their scents and how the stars made their outlines stand out amongst the dark.

She kept wandering until she suddenly bumped into someone. She let out a yelp as she fell backwards to the ground, clutching her chest as she tried to steady her breathing before realizing she'd bumped into Seiya.

"What are you doing out here?" the younger girl asked quietly as Yaten stood up, brushing off her pajama pants as she rubbed her head.

"I could ask you the same question."

Seiya sighed as she turned to look at the flowers, avoiding her gaze as she stroked the petals of a lily in front of her. "Of all people why did it have to be you?" she asked sadly, hurt in her voice as she looked up at the sky.

"Pardon?"

Seiya laughed, subconciously grabbing the lily in her hand and tightening her grip on it to the point where it broke off the stem and dissolved in her hand. "It's nothing. I just... I don't know why the universe is so cruel that of all people I could be paired with it was you." she said sadly as she stared at the petal pieces laying in her palm. "Tell me Yaten did you ever care about me or were you just playing games with me?"

"Being gay is wrong, I can't love a girl!" Yaten shouted before clasping her hands over her mouth, shaking her head furiously as she tried to correct herself but the damage was already done. Even in the dark she could still make out the hurt expression on Seiya's face and she could see the tears glinting in her eyes. "No that's not what I meant, gomen Seiya!" She yelled as she launched herself at the girl, wrapping her arms around her tightly as she began to cry. "That's not what I meant."

Seiya shoved her away, tears falling down her cheeks as she glared at her. "What do you mean that's not what you meant? What else is there to say? That I'm a sinner and I should burn in hell?" she shouted through sobs, desperately wiping at the hot tears that were falling down her cheeks.

"Seiya no-"

"You broke my heart Yaten, you took my heart and you fucking shattered it. I thought we were friends, I thought you felt the same way about me that I felt about you but I guess I was wrong. Was I just an experiment or were you just trying to hurt me? Or both? Either way I don't want to know. Just so we're clear we are not friends and we never will be, I am your leader and you are my teammate. That is all."

"Please just let me explain!"

"No, fuck you Yaten." Seiya whispered through tears before running off, leaving Yaten behind in the garden to cry until it became light out.

Weeks went by as the starlights adjusted to life as sailor senshi, training everyday to become better warriors. Everyday Healer saw Fighter who would ignore her at all costs, shattering her heart more and more each time. Deep down she knew it was her fault Fighter hated her. She'd screwed up by letting her internalized homophobia take over her. All she'd wanted was to confess how she'd really felt to her and to make things right but instead she'd let her judgements and fear take over her and now Fighter wouldn't even look at her unless it was to give her instructions.

On top of it all since becoming a sailor scout she'd devloped empath abilities and was able to sense everyone's emotions which made things incredibly hard around her when she was around Fighter since her hurt and anger were clear as day and felt like a stab to the gut. Eventually she started becoming cold and closed off, glaring at Fighter everytime she saw her and shooting small insults at her during training.

There were times when she noticed Fighter flirting slightly with Maker who never seemed to reciprocate the same feelings for her yet everytime she them together her blood would start to boil and she'd jump in between them, swooping Maker off to another room to spend time with her even though she only saw her as a friend. She just couldn't stand seeing her leader looking at another girl the way she'd once looked at her even though she knew it was extremely selfish.

Maker was her only true friend in the palace and the only one who truly seemed to understand her even though she knew nothing about her past and sexuality. She was grateful to have her by her side yet she still caught herself staring longingly at her leader, wanting to tell her everything and win back her friendship as she missed the time they'd spent together and how she always made her laugh and treated her like she was worth more then gold.

The more time that passed the more she felt less like Yaten and more like Healer, her old life was behind her and now she was a different person. She was no longer carefree Yaten who would rather paint then study and who would befriend every animal she found on the streets and who abided by her parent's every rule. She was Sailor Star Healer, she was cold and rigid and did what she wanted and shut as many people out as she could. She'd changed and sometimes she caught herself wishing she could go back to how she used to be, young and happy and oblivious to the real world around her.

Then one day her entire world fell apart around her.

She'd been sitting in her room reading a book on empath abilities and how to control them so emotions didn't affect her as badly when all of a sudden she was surrounded by a blinding white light and screeching filled the castle as an excruciating pain filled her chest, a pain she remembered Kakyuu describing as the pain an empath felt when a person's star seed faded to black. The pain was constant, ending for a millisecond before restarting as Healer realized what it meant. She forced herself off her bed and began running through the halls that were crumbling around her, clutching her aching chest as she tried to block out the pain.

She found herself suddenly swarmed by monster like creatures, all with vaguely human like forms but different colours and features that distinguished them as something else. She raised her star yell and began to attack as she ran, knocking them down one by one as they fired their own attacks at her. She ran outside and noticed that there was a projection of a woman's face in the sky who was cackling at them before an attack hit her in the back, sending her flying to the ground as she screamed.

The next thing she knew she felt a body covering hers and she began squirming to get away when a voice stopped her.

"Healer don't move, you're fine, I've got you."

Healer opened her eyes as she glanced up at the body covering her before realizing it was Fighter. Her leader was bleeding profusely but still shielding her from the attacks as she breathed heavily, weakly trying to attack with her own star yell while trying to protect Healer at the same time.

"Fighter, what are you doing? You're going to get yourself killed!" Healer shouted, pushing her off as she jumped to her feet, readying her attack as the monsters grew closer.

"As your leader its my duty to keep you safe no matter what you've done in the past!" the raven haired light yelled, huffing and puffing as she teetered back and forth, trying to remain upright so she could keep attacking. "Don't think this means we're friends now."

"Fighter I'm sorry for everything I did before! I can expl-"

"Not now!" Fighter shouted, grabbing Healer by the arm as she began running through the crowd of monsters and debris. "We have to find Maker and find out what's going on. Our princess is the only one who can fix this mess and I have a feeling she might have just left."

"What do you mean?"

Fighter said nothing in response as she kept running, Healer struggling to keep up as the pain in her chest grew more and more intense, the screaming louder then before as the woman in the sky grew louder and louder. The empath's ears were ringing and she shut her eyes as tightly as possible as her feet thundered along the ground, desperate to wake up from this nightmare she was living.

They came to an abrupt stop and Healer's eyes flew open as she looked up to see a battered and bloody Maker in front of them who was struggling to fight off a monster in front of her. Within seconds both Healer and Fighter had readied their star yells and shot their attacks at the creature.

"Star Sensitive Inferno!"

"Star Serious Laser!"

The creature fell to the ground with a howl of pain as Fighter rushed over to the brunette's side while Helaer stood there in shock, watching as the taller girl shook violently, struggling to breathe as tears rolled down her face. "Maker what happened?" the empath asked, her voice hoarse as she wrapped her arms around herself, eyes darting back and forth around them as she tried to see if any monsters were approaching.

"Those monsters... they were humans just like us. That lady in the sky is the one attacking us. I don't know how but she managed to steal everyone's star seeds and turn them into these creatures." Maker choked out through sobs as Fighter wrapped an arm around her shoulder, pulling her so close to her that Healer couldn't help but feel jealous even though she knew her friend was traumatized just like they all were.

"Where's our princess?" Fighter asked.

"She left, she told me she was fleeing to a safer planet but she wouldn't tell me where. That was all she said before she took off, she knew she would be in danger if she stayed here."

"We have to go after her!" Healer shouted, pulling Fighter off of Maker as she cried.

"You're right." Fighter admitted, hanging her head in defeat as she sighed. "There's nothing we can do here without Kakyuu. We have to go find her if we want any hope of saving our people, at this rate our whole planet will be gone and we'll die too if we stay here. If we want any chance of getting our home back we need to leave, we'll search every planet and every galaxy if we must."

And with that the three starlights joined hands and teleported to the planet closest to them where their search began. They desperately searched every planet and galaxy they wound up on but their princess wasn't on any of them. They'd been searching for so long and had lost count of how many planets and galaxies they'd been to when Healer finally picked up on her star seed's aura.

She was on a planet called Earth.

They settled there and began their search, trying everything they could think of to find her before eventually realizing she must be in hiding and they'd have to lure her out. Seiya was the one who discovered how boy bands seemed to be extremely popular and were on the news everywhere and she came up with the idea that they would become a famous band and eventually their princess would hear their music or see their poster and come find them.

It was a long shot but they decided to go with her idea and wound up disguising themselves as males and thus the auditions began. Eventually after countless months of making songs, photoshoots, concerts, tours, autograph signings, TV appearances and visits to countless countries they found themselves in Japan. Seiya had flirted with girls everywhere they went and Yaten had gotten semi used to it but nothing could have prepared her for what would happen in Japan.

There Seiya fell in love and it crushed her. All Seiya could talk about was that stupid blonde named Usagi Tsukino. She knew she had a boyfriend yet she was all she could think about, all she talked about was Usagi and it made Yaten's blood boil. She wanted to scream at her and tell her she loved her but she couldn't, even if she came clean about everything she knew she didn't stand a chance with Seiya after everything she did and it wouldn't change a thing. So she kept pretending like she was straight and that she was boy crazy when in reality she was just a lesbian in denial.

Eventually she'd had enough, she couldn't take hearing Seiya go on and on about Usagi anymore. It was driving her to the brink of insanity. She couldn't handle hearing her gushing about this girl when she would never love her back. Yaten needed to tell her the truth, she needed to come clean even though her heart would be broken. So when Seiya sat down next to her that morning, gushing about how her and Usagi had had a wonderful evening together the previous night Yaten knew she had to say something.

She grabbed Seiya by the shoulders, stunning the younger girl as she stared into her vibrant blue eyes. "Seiya I need to tell you something." she said quietly, hoping she would look into her eyes and see everything she wanted to tell her, everything she'd bottled up for so long.

Seiya quirked an eyebrow at her as she stared on in stunned silence. "Ok... go on." she said, her voice hesitant as Yaten's hands tightened around her shoulders.

Tears brimmed the empath's eyes as she opened her mouth to speak, the words on the edge of her tongue, dying to be spoken out loud, dying for someone to hear and tell her everything was alright and that she wasn't horrible for feeling the way she did. "Seiya I-"

And then the phone rang, cutting her off mid sentence and within seconds Seiya was off the couch, racing out of the room towards the phone. "Gomen Yaten but we'll talk later, Usagi might be calling!" she called out.

Yaten hung her head in shame, tears pouring down her cheeks as she pulled her knees up to her chest. There would be no later now.

"...I'm gay." she whispered to quietly to herself before breaking down in violent sobs, hugging her knees to her chest as she cried.


End file.
